Dance, Dance
by alienangel19852003
Summary: The holiday Pim dreads is rapidly approaching, Valentines Day. She like Phil and Keely are all dateless and they are not going to take it anymore, so Pim decides to take matters into her own hands...
1. The Lives You'd Love to Lead

**Title:** Dance, Dance

**Author: **alienangel19852003

**Summary: **H.G. Wells Jr. Sr. High is having a Valentines Day Dance, but Pim has other plans. Keely, Phil, and Pim are all bummed out by the holiday. Will Pim's plan change things for them or will it get them all expelled.

**Rating: **T, language and partying.

**Author's Note: **This story is not AU for once, I do not own the title nor do I own the characters from POTF. It's an anti Valentines Day fic. Lots of use of the word Venereal. But not having much to do with actual venereal diseases in general.

"You know what next Tuesday is kids?" Lloyd Diffy questioned over dinner.

"Another commercial holiday invented by the greeting card company?" Keely Teslow asked brushing her blonde hair out of her face.

"And to make the single feel inadequate." Phil the oldest Diffy child said glancing at his blonde best friend.

"I hate Venereal Disease Day." Pim Diffy stated stabbing the roast beef on her plate.

"No, it's Valentines Day." Lloyd said.

"I think that's what they meant." Barbara Diffy said coming in from the kitchen with another bowl of mashed potatoes.

"I take it none of you have dates for the dance." Lloyd said.

"Nope," Phil said.

"Not a single inkling of an invite to the dance." Keely said.

"Who wants to go to that stupid dance anyways? It's going to be a bunch of couples that just practically sprang up overnight; they'll be broken up come next Friday." Pim said as she continued to stab the roast beef.

"I think its dead sweetie." Barbara told her daughter.

"I think it would be kind of nice to have a date." Keely said.

"Why don't you take her Phil?" Lloyd suggested.

"You could," Barbara agreed.

"Everyone knows Keely and I are best friends it would be kind of pathetic if we went together." Phil said.

Pim was the only one who noticed how crestfallen Keely looked when Phil said that. Anyone who paid a speck of attention knew the two were perfect for each other, and Phil went screwing things up every chance he got.

"Yeah, pathetic." Keely said.

"Why don't you just go with Owen and Via again?" Pim asked.

"Owen and Via are probably going together, they just totally hooked up in homeroom this morning." Keely said.

"Why is everyone in school hooking up and getting dates but us?" Phil asked.

"Julie Davis had hickey the size of a golf ball on her neck on Thursday. Her dad found them making out and it was the end of Billy Hendrix." Keely said.

"See, I never get give girls hickeys or get run over by anyone's dad's cars." Phil said woefully.

"There was a time Grace McCracken had it bad for you." Pim said.

"But that was a misunderstanding, if _someone_ hadn't stolen my InstaMorph and tried her hand at matchmaking, that wouldn't have happened." Phil said looking at Keely.

"Really who would do that? Gee these mashed potatoes sure are tasty." Keely said shoving more than the recommended spoonful into her mouth.

"Wow, look at her go." Pim said, "Phil, I think Keely could fit her whole fist in her mouth if she tried."

Phil looked at Pim as if she was insane, Keely nearly choked, and Pim laughed when Phil started thinking about it and blushed.

"That's enough Pim. If you keep it up you'll go to your room." Barbara threatened.

"What are they talking about? I never know what they are saying." Lloyd said.

"It's called a double entendre Lloyd."

"Double entendre," Lloyd considered this.

"It's how Pim can be sassy and rude at the same time and get away with offensive sexual references without it being too terribly offensive." Phil explained.

"Oh. I still don't see why you would care if Keely could fit her fist in her mouth."

"I'll explain it to you later dear." Barbara said.

"Can we change the subject please?" Phil shifted uncomfortably.

Pim smiled her work was nearly done, "I bet if we put that on some flyers you'd get plenty dates then, by any chance are you double jointed?"

Phil sunk down in his chair; he did NOT need think about Keely being double jointed, Keely putting her fist in her mouth, he was having enough time not thinking about Keely as it was.

"Pim, clear the table. You're on dish duty tonight." Barbara said.

"Perhaps I should have stopped at the fist thing." Pim said.

"Perhaps, after the dishes are done I want you to clean that room of yours." Barbara said.

"We'll I think it's time we got going." Lloyd said rising from the table, and extending his hand to his wife.

"What?" Barbara asked placing her hand in his.

"Barb, we're taking that Skyak out and we're going see the world. Stay in France for a couple of days and come back next week."

"Lloyd, I don't know what to say…" Barb started.

"Say you'll come away with me and celebrate Valentines Day." Lloyd said.

"Alright. I've just got to pack and–"

"It's all taken care of." Lloyd said.

"But–"

"We'll be fine mom." Phil stated.

"Okay, if you need anything. You know how to find us. But you'd better not need anything." Barb said.

"I love Venereal Disease Day." Pim said smirking and rubbing her hands together.

"Stay out of trouble and keep you sister from world domination," Lloyd told Phil.

"I'll try," Phil said following his parents out of the dining room.

"No parties, no chickens, and don't to do anything that I wouldn't do." Barb winked at her son.

"Darn, now I'll never be able to get any decent cock in this house." Pim said.

"Dirty!" Keely said.

"Pim!" Barb shrieked.

"What? I've always wanted a rooster." Pim said with an innocent smile.

"You be good and don't burn anything down." Lloyd said giving them all a hug even Keely.

"Call us if you need bail money." Phil told his father who scowled at him.

"We will." Barb said giving them a hug.

"Have fun." Keely said.

They stood in the doorway and watched as the only link to adult supervision in the Diffy household flew away on the Skyak.

"I thought they'd never leave." Pim said, leaving Keely and Phil gawking in the doorway.

"What's on the agenda tonight?" Phil asked.

"We can do whatever we want." Pim said jumping over the back of the couch, and sprawling gracefully onto the cushions.

"Well its six thirty, we could go see a movie." Keely suggested.

"The only movies playing are a gushy romantic movie about some bitch finding love. And the movie that makes fun of all the other movies which we saw last week, and then of course there's that thriller about a stranger calling a babysitter." Pim said.

"I definitely don't wanna see the last one, I've got to baby-sit tomorrow night." Keely said.

"We could bowl." Phil suggested.

"We kinda got banned from Shady Lanes." Keely said.

"Those dammed dirty replicates." Phil said shaking his fist.

"And not to mention the popcorn fiasco. They'll never let us in that place again." Pim said.

"You and Via just had to go and wrestle in popcorn. You could have used mud or pudding or guacamole or something. No one will pay to see popcorn wrestling." Phil said looking at Keely.

"I thought it was golden." Pim said, "Popcorn does not objectify women or cause their bikinis to stick to them."

"I think you're missing the point of the whole thing." Phil said.

"How about we get Owen and put you two in Speedos and have you wrestle in guacamole and see how you'll like that." Keely said.

Pim pulled out her cell phone, "That could be fun I'll make the necessary calls."

"Oh no you won't. No way no how are you getting me into Speedo." Phil said.

"Come on Philly-Willy. It'll be fun. You were all for me and Via wrestling in that popcorn."

"Actually, I liked the hot fudge idea better–"

"Well, if you want it like that then fudge it is." Pim said.

"No fucking way. I am not wrestling another guy in hot fudge wearing a Speedo." Phil said.

"We'll see." Keely said.

"No, actually you won't see, I'm not wearing a banana hammock."

Pim hung up her phone, "It's all set. We're having an Anti Venereal Disease Day party. And you will put on that Speedo and love it." Pim said.

"Wanna bet."

"Actually I do." Pim said.

"Okay if I win, then you do my chores for a month."

"How lame is that? I can do all that in ten minutes with my Wizard." Pim said.

"If I win which we all know I will. I'll tell you what you have to do later." Pim said.

"No way." Phil said.

"I think you're afraid you'll lose and end up assed out and covered in fudge." Keely said.

"He's probably right. He's much to petite to be wrestling anyways, what was I thinking?" Pim said.

"I am not petite, I'm just…" Phil said, his height was kind of a sore subject and Pim made sure to bring up every chance she got.

"A small guy, and there's nothing wrong with that, I think you should apologize Pim." Keely said.

Pim looked at the blonde and then at her blushing brother, "I'm sorry, you've got to face up to the fact that you'll never be much taller than that guy from _Lord of the Rings_." Pim said.

"You know what I'll do it I'll wrestle Owen, but only on the condition that we can wear shorts at least, and none of those hot pants with the bunnies on them either." Phil told Pim.

"Okay it's done." Pim said, "Next Tuesday after the dance tanks we'll come back here and show them how to really get down."

"I don't like the gleam in her eyes." Keely said.

"What do you mean 'when the dance tanks'?" Phil asked.

"I've got something in the works for those love struck lust bunnies. You just wait and see Phil, you just wait and see." Pim rubbed her gloved hands together and laughing manically.

"Uh oh." Keely said.

"We're just gonna let this thing play out, she might have a point. Wanna watch South Park?" Phil asked turning to go upstairs.

Keely stood there staring after him for a second before shrugging to follow him.

"Wait for me Cartman is my inspiration." Pim said.


	2. Two Quaters of Heart Down

**Thanks to all my lovely reviews this chapter is for you all.**

Chapter 2 "Two quarters of heart down"

Friday night was a bust Keely had to go home at eleven and Phil fell asleep around twelve thirty, Pim did what she did every night, she thought up ways to take over the world. Saturday night was better they ended up staying up entirely too late, Keely slept over after she got finished baby sitting and they all slept in the master bedroom in Lloyd and Barbara's king sized bed. They ate mass amounts of junk food and watched scary movies.

Sunday afternoon Phil woke when he could no longer ignore the glare of the sun or his own bladder. However, he could do nothing about either problem due to the fact that a certain blonde best friend of his was wrapped around him, like a Keely blanket or something. He wouldn't have minded this, except for the fact that he'd had about eighteen Dr. Peppers the night before.

"Keely," he whispered in her ear as he gently nudged her.

She moaned and buried her face in his neck and curled around him tighter, he sighed he couldn't take this seriously; she tended to use him for a pillow on numerous occasions and cuddle with him every chance she got. They were friends nothing more.

Phil smiled; she didn't need to know how he felt or how beautiful he thought she was.

"Keel." He tried again.

She stirred this time, lifting her head and opening her green eyes to gaze at him.

"Hey." She mumbled rolling off him and on to her back.

"Hey yourself sleepy head." he said getting out of bed, being careful not to wake Pim she would be awful cranky if he woke her up.

He went to the bathroom washed up and then he came back to get in bed, Keely was up at the head of the bed propped up on pillows flicking through the channels on TV. Phil couldn't help but smile and think the thoughts he didn't allow himself to think. Thoughts of what it was like to be with her. To really be with her, to allow himself to really love her.

She looked pretty lying there, she wasn't wearing a trace of make up and her hair was mussed from sleep. She was wearing the white tank top she'd worn to go baby sit and pair of his boxers she had borrowed to sleep in. If anyone were to see them now they would think they were a couple.

She noticed him staring at her and blushed, "I know I look a mess."

"You look fine," Phil said choosing his words carefully.

"You're just saying that because you're my bestest friend." Keely said smiling.

Phil got into bed and lay down beside her, "That's not it. A lot of girls would kill to look the way you do."

"Well, then how come I don't have a date for Valentines Day?" Keely asked.

"I thought we decided that this holiday was for the sappy and the rich. So what if those assholes at school can't see what a great girl you are. It's their loss." Phil said.

"You're right Phil. And if those stupid whores can't see what a sweetie you are it's their loss two."

"So are we still getting drunk under the bleachers before the dance?" Phil asked.

"You know it." Keely said.

"Less talky more sleeping!" the lump of covers at the foot of the bed otherwise known as Pim yelled.

"I'm surprised you could hear anything over the sound of your snoring." Phil said.

Pim mumbled something unintelligible.

"It's three in the afternoon, get up and join the living." Phil said.

Pim raised her hand from the covers to give Phil the finger, "That's one thing about this century that will never get old." She laughed.

"In the future, that means peace, love, and crabs. However we discovered that in this century it means something totally different." Phil explained to Keely.

"Why crabs?"

"A marketing thing from Joe's Crab shack and the Mom's of America association." Phil explained.

"Would you just shut it already, Mister Know It All?" Pim asked, "I need rest to be able to carry out my evil plans. You do want to me to sabotage the dance don't you?" Pim asked peeking her head out of the covers.

"Yeah, but by the time you do I don't think we'll notice, we're going to be six sheets to the wind." Phil said.

* * *

"That's three sheets Phil." Keely said, said shaking her head at her best friend from the future, he never got 21st century expressions right.

"I'm intending to be drunker than that." Phil smirked.

"I thought you two were all straightedge." Pim said.

"Well, I cannot watch those lovey dovey happy couples dance around all night without a hit of something. And I'd prefer it to be shot of vodka rather than a joint." Phil said.

"Owen had some good–" Keely stopped herself when Phil turned to look at her sharply.

"Good what?" Phil asked.

"Good uh…" Keely didn't want to talk about the time she'd smoked out with Owen.

"Cock!" Pim shouted.

"What?" Both Keely and Phil asked.

"Out the window dumb and dumber." Pim said pointing at the rooster in their driveway.

"Wow that's a big cock." Phil stated.

"That so didn't sound right." Pim responded.

"What? It is." Phil said.

"It's still so wrong." Keely said, "I thought your parents said no chickens." Keely said.

"It's in the driveway not the house, so technically we aren't breaking any rules." Phil pointed out.

"I'm gonna kill it and fry us some chicken." Pim said darting away from the window and out of the room.

"What the hell?" Phil asked.

"It's a defenseless barnyard animal and she wants to kill it. Sometimes I think your sister has no soul."

"Like that evil little girl in the _Ring_." Phil remarked, "I'm surprised mom and dad haven't trapped her down a well yet." Phil said.

"Oh! We've got to stop her." Keely said remembering the poor rooster.

They ran down the stairs after Pim, who had a three and half minute head start only to find her in the kitchen making herself some coffee.

"It's a replicate it has to be." Phil said.

"You actually think I would step out of that door with out a drop of coffee in me?" Pim asked laughing manically, "And I wouldn't dare kill Henry he's my pet it's hard to find a rooster that is a smart as Henry."

Phil rolled his eyes, and headed for the fridge, "So what do you have planned for the dance?"

"This is more than your typical bucket of pig's blood and a rope shenanigan. A plan such as mine is delicate, intricate, and top secret. Are you two down?"

"Way down…" Keely said.

"Will we need code names?" Phil asked.

Pim looked at him as if he'd lost his mind, "If you want Dash Unicorn."

"You told her?" Phil asked.

"It was funny, and you did it to yourself." Keely said.

"Alright fine whatever, I'm Grand Mistress Hustler." Pim said.

"Okay I'm Dirk Diggler." Phil said.

"Ooh can I be Roller Girl?" Keely asked.

"This is gonna to be so fun." Pim muttered.

"Now that that's out of the way, somebody get over here and make me breakfast." Pim said.

"Pim, if you think–" Phil started.

"It's Grand Mistress Hustler to you." Pim said bringing down the riding crop she had hidden in her other hand down hard on the counter.

"Mom said to get rid of it after that whole bondage video incident." Phil said.

"Phil, do you see Mom anywhere around here?" Pim said.

Phil didn't say anything he crossed his arms over his chest.

"That's' what I thought now get to work. I can't make fiendish plans on an empty stomach." Pim said.

"Alright! But I'm doing this for the cause." Phil said.

"Quit your bitching would you? I'm starving like Melvin." Pim said.

Keely shook her head, "That's starving like Marvin. Don't they teach you anything in the 22nd century?"

"We need to go to store and pick up some things for the party sometime today or tomorrow." Pim reminded them.

"We can just use the Wizard to get that later." Phil said.

"No! We need to go to grocery store!" Pim shrieked.

"This has nothing to do with the fact that Little Danny is working there?" Keely asked.

"Wrong again Blondie. Get your head off Phil's lap and start paying attention to things." Pim said trying hard not to smile.

"What? That was one time, I feel asleep." Keely said defensively.

"Pim, would you just let it go and face the fact that you have crush on Little Danny. You're like a squirrel dragging around some nuts." Phil said as he mixed the batter for the pancakes.

"What do you care? You know you like it when she's all over you." Pim said, Phil and Keely both blushed and looked at each other.

"Because they are my nuts, now leave it be." Phil said.

"Do you want to know the real reason no one asked the two of you out this Venereal Disease Day?" Pim asked.

"What did you?" Phil asked.

"_I_ didn't do anything dear brother. I didn't have to." Pim said.

"Would you just tell us why we didn't get asked out?" Keely asked throwing bacon into a skillet.

"I think it would be better if you found out on your own."

"Pim." Phil growled the doorbell rang cutting off what he had to say.

"I'll get it," Keely said wanting to leave the kitchen before the Diffy siblings started World War III.

She went to the door forgetting about how disheveled she looked still dressed in a pair of Phil's boxers which were rolled up on her slim hips and her tank top she went to the door.

It was none other than Principal Hackett.

"Miss Teslow, do you ever go home?" Hackett asked.

"Sometimes." Keely responded.

"Are the elder Diffy's around? I have an important matter to discuss with them about the rooster that is keeping up a terrible racket in the backyard." Hackett said.

"They went away for Venereal Disease Day." Keely said cheerfully as she started to close the door, "I'll tell them you came by."

Hackett stuck out his foot not allowing her to close the door and pushed it hard, sending Keely who was half leaning on the door careening to the ground.

"Whoa!" she yelped hitting the carpet.

"Keel what did you this time get tangled in the cable wires?" Phil asked walking in from the kitchen.

"I see what's going on here." Hackett said.

"Vice Principal Hackett what are you doing here? And Keely why are you on the floor?" Phil asked.

"You have your girl/boy slumber parties make noise all night keeping the neighborhood awake doing God only knows what. And then you have this rooster perched up on your picnic table crowing and keeping up more noise so I can't nap in the day time." Hackett said.

"What are you talking about we were quiet last night, except formy screaming." Keely said.

Hackett ignored Keely and spoke only to Phil, "The screaming and the crowing has got to go. Or I'm going to the homeowner's association."

"Face it Neil wecan be as loud as we want and you don't see anyone else complaining." Pim said walking out of the kitchen, "do you? Nobody cares! As for my cock out there, it can crow all day long because that's what roosters do. And there is no where in the neighborhood zoning rules that say he can't be out there."

Hackett's mouth opened and he stood there gaping, it was the first time any of them had seen him speechless, since well Pim had embarrassed him in front of the whole school taking away his tie after the principal for a day fiasco over a year ago.

"Grand Mistress Hustler has spoken, be gone." Pim told Hackett.

"You might be sassy right now, but come tomorrow morning you're mine I've got the three of you for the next few years you're mine." Hackett gave a weasely laugh and left.

"Okay, we've really got to screw up that dance now." Phil said.


	3. We're Falling Apart to Half Time

Chapter 3 "We're falling apart to half time"

Monday morning arrived faster than Pim would have liked, she'd only designed the plans for evil scheme so far. Keely was due any moment with supplies. Pim's darling brother was in the mirror priming trying to make the correct pieces of his hair stand up. Sometimes he took longer to get ready than all the women Pim knew combined.

Keely burst through the door talking rapidly doing tricks on her roller skates, Pim didn't understand or care about any of the gossip that usually came forth from the taller blonde's lips but she couldn't have possibly heard what she thought she heard.

"What!" Pim shouted.

"I said Little Danny is taking Candida to the dance." Keely said spinning a circle.

"NO!" Pim shrieked she was going to have a heart attack.

Phil came running downstairs, "Pim what happened did you look in the toaster and not see a reflection?"

Pim clutched her heart and glared at her brother, "This is not the time for jokes. If you need me I'll be in the garage, in the car with a hose."

She never thought that it would happen the evil of all evils. No matter how much she denied it she liked Little Danny. Pim had never felt like that before she wanted to throw up, and her heart hurt. She walked from the kitchen more despondent than she'd ever been, nothing got to her ever she'd always won even though she got into trouble a lot but Little Danny was always right there with her in detention. To lose him to her worst enemy was a devastating blow.

"Pim, what's wrong?" Phil asked grabbing her by the arm.

"Oh, she's sad because Candida is going to the dance with Little Danny." Keely said as if it had just occurred to her.

"Oh my God she really does like him." Keely said.

"Thanks for the observation. Tie your tubes genius!" Pim said wrenching her arm away from her brother and falling into the nearest chair.

"I think she's going to cry, the world is going to end." Phil joked.

"Phil, that's insensitive. You're sister has been crushed by her first crush. You know how that feels." Keely said.

"Yeah, I know better than you'd think." Phil responded.

"Okay, could you can it with the whole wounded unrequited love thing? You two are really creeping me out." Pim stated.

"Fine, seriously are you okay?" Phil asked.

"I'm not okay, I promise. But they won't be okay either; no one crosses Grand Mistress Hustler and gets away with it. They want a war they got a war." Pim said scowling as she scrubbed the tear lone tear that had fallen from her eyes off her cheek.

"Okay, Roller Girl get me some coffee and my plans. Dirk bring me the cock, we're going to school." Pim said barking out orders.

Phil smiled and went to go get the rooster off the lawn. Fortunately, it was a lot nicer to him than it had been to Hackett when he tried to get rid of it.

"I know the rule about no live poultry in the house I wonder if that goes for mom's van too?" Phil wondered aloud.

"It's too late to worry about that," Pim said walking out of the house with a spiked collar, something else left over from the bondage video.

Keely skated out of the house, and Phil noticed for the first time what she was wearing a short pink ruffled mini and rainbow stockings with a black hooded sweater. He took entirely too much time staring at her and she stared right back.

Pim honked the car horn, "Quit drooling over each other and get over here. I've got to torture about seven hundred people. And I don't have time for you two to be making googly eyes at each other."

Keely skated down the driveway to the van, and Phil got in to the van and started it.

"I am going to have fun today, and people will cry." Pim said forcing a smile.

The school day passed uneventfully, with lots of crying screaming and that was just from Hackett.

"Today was a good day, I feel really good about the damage factor." Pim said opening up the blue prints for her plan.

"I'll have to admit it was cool seeing a group of people stampede." Phil said, "But at least you didn't take things too far."

"Making Henry here look six feet tall as he charged down the hall it was nothing." Pim waved her hand dismissively, "I'm saving all the sinister brilliance for tomorrow night."

Phil smiled, and went back to looking at the design plans over Pim shoulder. He watched in horror as she ripped up her intricate plans complete with an exploding mozzarella sticks at the snack table and foaming punch. Releasing letting go all the lab rats a letting the scamper around the gym was the icing on the cake.

"Scrap that it's back to the drawing board." Pim said pulling out a sketch pad.

"What are you doing? Your plan was perfect for an evil plan that is." Phil said.

"It only works with four people, and since obviously I'm missing my sidekick. It had to be done away with." Pim stated.

"I made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches." Keely said skating in with a tray of sandwiches.

"You can take that all back into the kitchen; I don't have time to eat. And take Phil with you he keeps disturbing my thought processes." Pim said.

"Alright." Phil said and the left Pim alone to plan.

Phil and Keely sat in the kitchen talking about nothing in particular and eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches until Pim came running in screaming, "I've got it!"

"This is what we have to do." Pim said showing them the sketches she'd made.

They were drawings of the layout for the dance; couples swaying on the dance floor, Little Danny up in the D. J. booth, or a least Phil thought it was with out the head and the axe going through his neck it very well it could have been anyone.

The three of them were on the far left of the detailed drawing; the figure he assumed was Keely wearing an ankle length skirt and jean jacket, he was in the middle sipping punch and darting his eyes around nervously dressed in his Ohio is for lovers t-shirt. He recognized Pim immediately with her arm around none other than Seth Wasumer.

"What's that guy's name?" Pim asked Phil.

"How did you draw him you don't even know his name?" Keely asked.

"She has this thing, she sees something once she can draw it full scale." Phil explained.

Pim whacked him on the shoulder, "Can we focus please tell me if he's available for the dance. I need someone to make Little Danny jealous."

"That's Seth and he's always available." Phil said.

"Get him we've got a little more than twenty four hours before operation, get my sidekick back and make Candida's life a living hell begins."

"What?" Phil asked.

"It's all very simple, you will escort Roller Girl to the dance. And your friend Seth will take me. Seth will be enamored with me and Danny will come crying back. When Candida gets her little prize for being Sweetheart of the Dance, I dump a bucket of chicken poo on her head. Got it. Good." Pim said.

"At least we can take that exploding cheese back," Keely said.

Phil sighed and went to call Seth, he was glad Pim had changed her mind about the other plan even thought it was brilliant.

"The stage is set, and so is the trap." Pim said laughing, "They'll never cross me again."

Keely skated away from Pim, "It freaks me out when she talks to herself." She called after Phil.

**Next chapter, "She says she's no good with words but I'm worse." **

**Enter Seth Wasumer. Dirk, Roller Girl, and the Grand Mistress infiltrate the dance.Will Dannypantsed or while he and Pim reconcile? Phil gets drunk, Keely has to take care of him, Candida gets what she desereves. Stay tuned for more.**


	4. She Says She's No Good With Words

Chapter 4 "She says she's no good with words but I'm worse…"

"Come on Keel we have to hurry." Phil said as they crept across the football field.

"I had to take off my skates, could you just want a frigging minute or two. Gosh!" Keely said.

The settled under the bleachers on blanket Phil had the foresight to bring, for their foray into teenage alcoholism.

Phil poured the two shots for them from a bottle of Seagram's gin that he'd stolen from Vice Principal Hackett.

"To Venereal Disease Day." Phil said.

"All about the VD." Keely said clinking her glass against his.

Keely took a sip, and decided she didn't like the taste; she peeked over the rim of the champagne flute to gaze at Phil. He was looking down at bottle of gin.

"I understand why Pim is upset about today. She was having trouble dealing with her feelings for Little Danny, but how come you didn't ask anyone out? Why don't you ever go on any dates?" Keely asked the question she'd been longing to ask since she'd known him.

Phil downed the rest of his gin, wincing as it went down his throat.

He looked up finally meeting her eyes, "You really ask the tough questions you know that? So you really wanna know why?" He paused to pour himself another shot.

She nodded.

He downed it wincing more, he was about to say something else but Keely's phone rang. She recognized the ringer it was Pim.

"It's a text from Pim; she needs help with her hair and make up. I'll meet you the dance floor in thirty minutes okay?"

"Okay." Phil said and he went back to staring at the ground.

Keely skated over to the girls bathroom door only to find it was locked, she knocked three times.

"Pim it's me Keely." She said.

The latch unlocked and Pim pulled open the door. She was dressed in a pink and black chiffon Goth style party dress with hot pink and black Chuck Taylor stiletto Converse laced to the knee.

"You look great." Keely said before Pim pulled her into the bathroom and locked the door.

"I can't just be great I have to be smoking hot." Pim said.

"Alright. Let's see what we can do." Keely said pulling out her make up bag.

* * *

"Phil are you okay?" Seth asked.

"I am good."

"Where are Keely and Pim?" Seth asked.

"What's with the questions? They'll be here in a few minutes." Phil said.

As soon as he uttered those words Keely skated into the gym and Pim stumbled in behind her, still getting used to her stiletto Chucks.

"Whoa dude, your sisters hot for an eighth grader." Seth whispered.

"Say it again and you'll be walking home." Phil said.

Pim did look pretty with her hair done and her face made up, in the dress she'd bought for the event. But however Keely stole most of his attention as she skated toward them in her long white bohemian skirt and jean jacket. This was why he hated Valentines Day, no matter how many girls in school were into him he just wanted Keely and he couldn't have her.

He wished he hadn't left the rest of his gin outside he could use a little nip right about now; it was the hardest day of the year.

"Hey Phil." Keely said, "Do you like what I did to Pim?"

"You performed a miracle," Phil said unable to take his eyes off her.

"Phil are you drunk?" Keely asked.

"Maybe a little bit." He laughed.

"Phil how are we going to be able to pull of Pim's plan with you tore up?" Keely asked pulling him away from Seth and Pim, who seemed to be getting along great.

"I'm straight Keels."

"If you say so…" Keely said skating around him in circle.

"There's like eight Keelys spinning around me. Damn I need to quit thinking about you girl." Phil said.

"It's just the one. Why do you need to quit thinking about me?" Keely stopped skating.

"We're just friends Keely and that's all we'll ever be," Phil said just as Tanner sidled up to them.

"Keely wanna dance?" Tanner asked flashing a dimpled smile.

"That would be hell to the no. I'm kind of in the middle of a conversation. Phil talk to me." Keely said.

"Go on dance, that's what we came here do right it is a dance." Phil said.

Tanner made gesture and Little Danny took off the techno record he was playing to put on another song.

_She says she's no good with words but I'm worse_

_Barely stuttered out_

_A joke of a romantic stuck to my tongue_

_And weighed down with words too overdramatic_

_Tonight it's "it can't get much worse" _

_Vs. "no one should ever feel like..."_

Phil liked that song; however he didn't like the idea of Tanner and Keely dancing together. It seemed like the whole school was moving forward falling in love, having relationships and he was just stuck. And he had to admit despite being arrogant and on the jerky side Tanner was the kind of guy Keely should be with. He was tall and handsome, and he'd probably own his own car dealership one day or play pro football or something.

_I'm two quarters and a heart down_

_And I don't want to forget how your voice sounds_

_These words are all I have so I write them_

_I need them just to get by_

Phil noticed Seth and Pim bouncing around on the dance floor to the Fall Out Boy song, and then he glanced over at Candida who was all over Little Danny who was gazing back at Pim.

The more he thought about things the angrier he got, he shouldn't be jealous of Tanner. It wasn't like he was dating Keely or that he would ever be dating Keely. He should just go drink some more, it was far to depressing to just stand on the wall watching.

_Dance, Dance_

_We're falling apart to half time_

_Dance, Dance_

_And these are the lives you love to lead_

_Dance, this is the way they'd love_

_If they knew how misery loved me_

He was about to leave the floor when a red haired girl he didn't know blocked his path, "How come you're not dancing with Keely?" she asked.

"What's with the twenty questions today? First Mechersmits test then Pim's inquisition, and Keely's probing, and Seth asking his dumb ass questions and now you. Who are you?"

"Annie, Annie Smith." The girl smiled, her jade eyes gazing into his brown ones she was pretty but Phil wasn't impressed.

"Nice to meet you Annie," He said about to side step her.

"I love this song." She commented.

"Me too." He admitted.

"Wanna dance to it together?" she asked.

"Yeah sure." Phil said, if Keely could dance with Tanner then he could dance with Alice, or whatever in the hell her name was.

* * *

Keely glided across the floor humoring Tanner with a dance she didn't take her eyes off Phil however, she was worried about him. And she had the feeling that he was going to tell her something important under the bleachers, but when she saw him with the redhead Annie she couldn't help mentally kicking herself for not telling Phil how she felt, she couldn't deal with him dating someone else.

_You always fold just before you're found out_

_Drink up its last call_

_Last resort_

_But only the first mistake and I..._

_I'm two quarters and a heart down_

_And I don't want to forget how your voice sounds_

_These words are all I have so I write them_

_I need them just to get by_

Keely skated closer to Tanner wiggling against him, if Phil was moving on so was she.

* * *

Pim was having a hell of a time, she was enjoying how much attention Seth paid to her and how much it was bothering Little Little Danny, her plan was going swimmingly. Phil and Keely weren't doing so well. Not that Pim really cared, but she kinda liked the idea of them getting together, even though she knew how annoying it would be.

She wasn't expecting Seth to dance as good as he did, granted it didn't hold a candle to all that wild dancing Little Little Danny did but he did alright for a geek.

_Why don't you show me a little bit of spine?_

_You've been saving for his mattress, love_

_Dance, Dance_

_We're falling apart to half time_

_Dance, Dance_

_And these are the lives you love to lead_

_Dance, this is the way they'd love_

_If they knew how misery loved me_

Pim liked Fall Out Boy, Phil had got her into them by playing the CD over and over. It didn't annoying like the Coldplay did when Phil went through his yellow phase. Pim was sure to giggle when Seth spun her around she wanted everyone to think she was having the grandest time, even though she really wanted to go up and strangle Candida.

_Why don't you show me a little bit of spine?_

_You've been saving for his mattress (mattress, mattress)_

_I only want sympathy in the form of you crawling into bed with me_

_Dance, Dance_

_We're falling apart to half time_

_Dance, Dance_

_And these are the lives you love to lead_

* * *

Phil could no longer pretend that he wanted to be dancing with Alex, he knew what he had to do and; and he had to do it before he sobered up or worse threw up.

"Alice I'm sorry, I've got to go." Phil said turning to leave the dance floor and running right into Keely who was also making a hasty retreat.

"Keely." Phil said putting his hands on her shoulder to steady her from the impact.

"You're supposed to be in the unstable one," Keely laughed.

"I'm sure I wouldn't be so stable if I was the drunk guy in skates. But you look good in them it's different."

"It was until Candida and the Fashion Zombies stole my idea." Keely said pointing to the group of eighth grade girls gliding around the floor in their roller skates.

"Phil, I saw you with Annie. I didn't like how it made me feel," Keely started.

"How did it make you feel?"

"Jealous. I may have green eyes but I'm so not the jealous type. And I'm a blonde but I know you're an amazing guy. I-I…what I'm trying to say is that I'm in love with you and I've been since the day I met you." Keely admitted.

"Keely." Phil said pulling her close and kissing her, he knew it would be easier to show her his feelings rather than tell her.

Keely took off the skates and put on the flip flops she had in her locker and they danced until Hackett started the voting for Sweetheart of the Dance.

* * *

Pim was sitting with Seth drinking punch and listening to his stories about the The American Revolution. She was about to fall asleep when Little Danny left Candida by the D.J. booth and strode over.

"Pim we need to talk,"

"We have nothing to say to each other Dawkins." Pim said, "And if you'll excuse me I'll get back to my date."

"I only asked Candida out because you never give me the time of day, and I knew it would make you jealous. And Candida only accepted because she hates you." Little Danny tried to explain.

"But she's my worst enemy, how could you do that to me?" Pim asked.

"You don't know what it's like to love someone the way I love you, I hope you're happy with the upperclassman." Little Danny said turning to leave.

Pim sat there for a minute before jumping up to run after him.

"Little Danny wait!"

"Pim?" Little Danny asked.

"Little Danny, I'm sorry I'm always so mean to you. I just didn't know any other way to deal with the fact that I like you. That I like you like you. Now I sound like Blondie." Pim sighed, frustrated with herself.

"You like me?" Little Danny asked shocked.

"Yes! Are you going to make me repeat myself?" she asked.

"It's just too good to be true." Little Danny smiled.

"I like you Little Danny I like you a lot." Pim said steeping closer to him.

"I like you a lot too. You look amazing tonight Pim. How do you manage to walk in those shoes?" he asked.

"Chick magic I guess." Pim said walking closer to him and hooked her arms around his neck.

Little Danny leaned in and kissed her, she wasn't expecting that but she went with it. Naturally Hackett had to go and ruin the mood, by tapping the microphone.

"May I have your attention please! I really hate this time of year all of you always seemed to be fused together." Hackett muttered the last part.

"The ballots for Sweetheart of the dance have been calculated and it was unanimous, Pim Diffy is this years Sweetheart. Pim Diffy? Did I read that right?" Hackett asked.

"Pim that's you," Danny said.

"Me?" Pim asked caught up in the moment, she glanced at her watch she had two minutes before the chicken poop hit the fan.

Pim quickly went to the podium counting the seconds in her head, "Candida since I stole your date I'm gonna give you the Sweetheart sash. Oh yeah and after the dance party at my place!"

Pim smiled as Candida came walking over like dumb ass to take the sash, Pim moved a safe distance out of the way before it was too late. Twenty seconds into her acceptance rant, poop rained down on Candida. Pim laughed hysterically it felt right to have Little Danny by her side laughing with her.

* * *

Keely and Phil missed the announcement of the Sweetheart; fortunately Phil set the bucket to fall on a timer before he got sick.

"I'm sorry about earlier Keel." Phil mumbled laying his head in Keely's lap.

"It's okay, it's not my favorite jacket anyways." Keely said stroking his hair, "You will tell me when you feel sick again won't you?"

"I promise. This isn't the way I expect the night to go." He said.

"How did you expect it go?" she asked.

"The way the nights always go, me lying in bed thinking of you." Phil said.

Keely smiled, "That's how my nights are when I do go home."

"Why didn't we see it before?" He asked.

"I don't know." She said honestly, "Maybe this was how it was meant to be, we could check the Giggle and see."

"Keely," he said in chastising manner.

Music wafted out of the gym, "This is the last song of the night when it's over you don't have to go home just get out of here." Hackett announced.

"Keely will you dance with me?" he asked raising his head to look into her eyes.

"Are you sure you feel okay?" she asked.

"I'm good. I'll have a headache tomorrow. It'll teach me not to get drunk for awhile." He smiled standing and stretching.

_Baby, baby I just got to let you know_

_How you make me feel inside yeah_

_Baby, baby like a river we could flow_

_How I wish that you were mine_

Phil put his arms around her and they swayed to the soft melody. She cupped the back of his head with her hand and buried her face in his neck.

_Is it your eyes? Is it your kiss?_

_Is it the affection that I miss?_

_I never ever wanna say goodbye_

_Are you for real I need to know?_

_Hopefully my heart will tell me so_

_Before I lay my feelings on the line (on the line)_

_One thousand words are not enough_

_I need to feel your tender touch_

_It is the only thing to satisfy my need_

_One thousand kisses on my lips won't give me the relationship_

_I want much more than that a love that I can feel_

**The song at the end is by Eden's Crush I cant find all the correct lyrics so I'll just leave it at that. I changed the name of this chapter, the next chapter will be called, "sympathy in the form of you crawling into bed with me" Stay tuned, that'll be it for this story.**


	5. Crawling Into Bed With Me

Chapter 5 "sympathy in the form of you crawling into bed with me"

Keely had to drive them all back home because Phil was in no shape to do so. Phil sat up front fiddling with the radio and begging Keely to drive a bit slower. Pim and Little Danny were in the backseat and Keely was afraid to look in the rearview mirror.

"I love this song," Keely said nearly swerving off the road.

"Could you not kill us please?" Pim asked from the backseat.

"Sorry!" Keely said.

"You're doing great Keely; you only hit that fence post." Phil said resting a hand Keely's knee.

"Phil," Keely whined, "I didn't mean to you can use the Wizard to fix it right?"

"Uh huh."

Satisfied with his answer Keely continued to sing, "I'm a genie in a bottle you've gotta rub me the right way..."

"Could we have both hands on the wheel please?" Phil asked.

"I know this song." Pim said.

"Don't you start singing it; my stomach can only take so much." Phil said.

"Well, if you wouldn't have drunk all of that gin and shared some with the rest of us you wouldn't have that problem now would ya boozy the clown."

"We're here," Keely said parking in the Diffy's driveway and little on the grass too.

"Okay, there's a bit of change in the events, Owen backed out of the match tonight so you're off the hook Phil as soon as we finish hiding the oddities. I mean the rarities. We should be all set for the party." Pim said as they got out of the car.

"What are you going to do about the pool full of hot fudge?" Keely asked.

"I'll use it to make Hackett's life a living hell." Pim said.

"I don't like the man anymore than you do Pim, but his life already is a living hell. He just moved out of his mom's house, he's gone bald, he'll probably never get married, and on top of all that he wears sweater vests." Little Danny pointed out.

"We could make sundaes." Pim said grudgingly.

"Sundaes are good." Keely said.

"I could really go for a sundae myself, a hot fudge and Keely sundae." Phil said walking around the front of the van where Keely was standing.

Pim shook her head and walked past them on into the house with Little Danny in tow, "Just as long as no one gets pregnant."

"Maybe when you sober up." Keely said smiling.

"I'm just a little bit tipsy," Phil said.

"Tipsy?" Keely asked, "You were a bit more than tipsy at the dance."

"How about I go up and take a shower and sober up a bit then can I have my sundae?" Phil asked.

"Sure, I'll be waiting for you in down here okay?" Keely told him as he started upstairs.

Keely helped Pim put away the oddities while Little Danny set up his D.J. equipment. He said he'd let her know when he finished.

_You can dress me up diamonds_

_You can dress me up in dirt_

_You can throw me like a line-man_

_I like it better when it hurts_

* * *

An Ashlee Simpson song blared through the massive speakers her voice shaking the walls of the house. Pim suppressed a maniacal laugh; Hackett was not going to get any sleep tonight either. Finished with her task she went to give the bouncers she'd hired the guest list. She wouldn't be able to afford a drifter next month, but she doubted she'd need one. She smiled sliding an arm around Little Danny's shoulders as the party goers started arriving.

* * *

Keely was dancing alone in the crowd; she spun around and came face to face with Tanner.

"I saw you looking at me and I decided I would see what was up." He asked.

"Tanner? Nothing much, I'm just waiting for my BOYFRIEND to come downstairs. What about you?"

"You were making eye contact with me. If you keep on I'll be forced to cater to you." He shouted over the music.

"I was not making eye contact. I don't really need to be catered to I'm good I just ate." Keely said walking over to the D.J. area where Pim, Little Danny and Phil were standing and of course Tanner followed.

"What's up Keely?" Phil asked.

"Not much, just being stalked by a caterer." Keely said.

"This dude?" Phil asked

Little Danny sized Tanner up, "You used the 'cater to you' line? You gone need a bit more game than that to compete in today's competitive world of dating."

"I don't know how he got in here anyway." Keely said.

"Want me to get rid of him?" Pim asked.

"Nah, I got this." Phil said."

"Bring it." Tanner said.

"Oh believe me it's already here. Keely, Hold my jacket." Phil said.

"But you're not wearing a jacket." Keely said.

"That's what guys always say before a big fight scene, can we pretend for once, that I am normal guy about to have a fight." Phil asked.

"I guess we could, but I don't want you to get hurt."

"I'm not gonna get–ow…." Phil said as Tanner's fist connected with his face and he hit the ground.

"Fight! Fight!" Little Danny started to chant.

"I'm not about to let you get pummeled further, without you around whining to mom and dad they'll be watching me too closely and I'll never get to rule the universe." Pim told Phil as Keely helped him to his feet.

"Pim, this is a big deal for me. I've been drinking and swearing all day, can't I cap this whole day off with a fight." Phil whined rubbing his jaw.

"I've got a better idea," Pim said picking up Henry the rooster that was crowing at their feet.

"Hey, Caterer catch." Pim said throwing the chicken at Tanner's face.

Henry, a trained attack chicken did what an attack chicken would do. He scratched and clucked up a storm as proceeded to peck the living hell out of Tanner.

Pim snapped her fingers and two of her security personnel came up

"Get that peckerhead out of here."

Pim watched with grim satisfaction as Tanner was escorted out.

"You enjoyed that a bit too much, didn't you?" Phil asked.

"It gave me that low tickle." Pim said.

"Actually that was me." Little Danny said Phil could hear Pim's skirt rustling.

"Very good. But you don't have permission to land there Sailor." Pim said.

* * *

"I so didn't need to know that." Phil said walking away from them.

"Phil!" Keely shouted over the music.

"Keely, I got punked in front of everyone; I don't need sympathy right now." Phil said.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"I'll let you know once the swelling goes down."

"Let's get you upstairs, and I'll take care of you." Keely said.

Phil was interested, "Take care of me how?"

"Come on." Keely said taking his hand and running upstairs.

Phil was still a bit upset about the whole thing with Tanner; he sat down on his bed dejectedly, while Keely went to get some ice.

"Cheer up Philly-Willy; it was your first fight it could have happened to anyone." Keely said coming to sit down beside him.

"It must be hard knowing that your boyfriend can't even protect you." He whispered.

"Phil, I don't love you because you fight like Vin Diesel. I love you because you're you; you're the most understanding and completely caring person I know." Keely said.

"So you love me even thought I'm not the epitome of manliness ness?" Phil asked.

"Yeah, so what if you're kinda small, you've got a good heart. But next time something like that happens, I want you to just run away."

"Small!" Phil said.

"Phil, you know what I mean. If that happens we'll run, we'll both just run away."

"I hope you're fast because I know am. Small people have to learn how to be fast." He said poking out his lower lip.

"Okay, now let me see your jaw." Keely said.

Phil turned to face her, she took his chin in her hand lifting it so she could see better.

"It's not so bad," she said putting the ice pack on him.

Phil tried not to flinch when she put the cold ice pack on him, "I think a few minutes will take some of the swelling down. It shouldn't bruise too badly." Keely said.

"How do you know this?" he asked.

"I'm a woman, I know these things. I don't know why though." Keely said.

Phil smiled though it hurt and the left side of his face was half frozen.

"Keel, thanks. But I think I'm going to be okay, you can go downstairs and enjoy the party."

"Do you really think I'm going to go down there without you?" she asked.

He seriously doubted it, "No, well what are we going to do up here."

"We can still hear the music so it's kind of like we're down there, we could dance."

"Handsome Town can hear the music, the foundation of the house is about to rock it off the block." Phil said dryly.

"We could do something else." She said, taking the ice pack away.

"We could play checkers." He suggested.

Keely got up to go put the ice pack in the bowl she'd brought it up in.

"I was thinking something a bit more mature," she said sliding her skirt down her hips, Phil watched in slow motion as it fell down her legs.

She stepped out of it, leaving her in her thong and tank top, "I think you need some sexual healing."

"Umm… you were right when you said it would be mature." Phil said, trying to stop gaping, but he couldn't Keely Teslow was stripping in his room, and he was actually in there.

She laughed, it sounded so different from the way she usually laughed, it was so sensual.

"You could say we're playing doctor." She said.

"What's that?" Phil managed to stammer he was so turned on.

"You never played it when you were younger?" Keely asked.

"No, I certainly would remember playing a game where a beautiful girl started taking off her clothes right in front of me." Phil said.

"Your innocence is beautiful Phil, that's why I want you to be the first man to make love to me. The only man to make love to me." Keely smiled, walking over to where he sat blushing.

"I'm not that innocent," he stood up and grabbed her by the hips pulling her close and kissing her, it was unlike the kisses they'd shared at the dance, it was urgent, and a bit rough.

She moaned into his mouth, as he continued to kiss her that way stealing her breath.

He broke off the kiss, "Are you sure you want to do this?"

She nodded biting her lower lip.

"Keely, I need to hear you to say it."

"I want this more than I've ever wanted anything." She whispered.

He kissed her again, softly this time just enough to distract her so he could lay them down. Phil started off slowly; he didn't feel the need to rush with Keely. It had taken them three years to transition from friends to lovers. He didn't want this to be over in three minutes. He loved feeling her curves and hearing her moans, as they gently explored each others bodies. Slowly but surely all their clothes were gone and the only thing between them was skin.

"I was wrong about one thing Phil; you are not small at all." Keely smiled, and he kissed her.

Phil slid a hand down to her wet sex, Keely grunted and gently nipped at his neck.

"I'm ready," she moaned in his ear, her breath sending chills down his spine.

With trembling hands, he put himself inside her making them one.

She groaned he knew it had to hurt, "Say the word and we'll stop."

"I'm fine, let's keep going." Keely said.

Phil gave her a gentle kiss and kept going, this time he heard her groan in pleasure. She really seemed to be enjoying herself, he'd always had the sinking suspicion that he'd totally crash and burn in the bedroom the way he sufficiently did in other aspects of his life.

* * *

The party didn't stop it went all night, a lot of the kids ended up crashing there for the night. Pim slept on the couch with Little Danny, she'd managed to tame the Sailor in him and he was a perfect gentleman the whole time. The house was sufficiently trashed, but they had till Friday to clean up so she wasn't really expecting an six am wake up call.

"Pim!"

She bolted out of her best dream, falling off Little Danny, "Mom?" she asked meekly from the floor.

"That's right young lady, what in the name of Orion happened here?"

"N–nothing." Pim stuttered.

"There is some guy passed out on the lawn, there are two naked girls in the laundry room and where is Phil?" Barbara asked her daughter.

"I guess he's still upstairs, I haven't seen him since we did the cha cha slide." Pim admitted.

Her mother glared at her, and turned to stomp upstairs, three separate screams rang out through the house.

"You probably should knock first." Pim smirked.

* * *

Phil woke up to Keely kissing his chest and rubbing his morning erection, "I could get used to waking up like this," he said.

She smiled, and threw her leg over his hip, "Me too,"

He slid a hand up her side running a hand over her smooth flat stomach, "I love you Keely, last night was amazing."

"I love you too Phil, you were unbelievable."

"Ready for round seven?" He smirked.

"If you are,"

There was a shout from downstairs, "Was that?" they both asked jumping out of bed looking for their clothes.

The door to his bedroom flew open as they were scrambling trying to get dressed. Keely was the first to scream when she saw Barb standing in the doorway. Phil's scream soon followed, and finally his mother screamed loudest of all.

Barbara put her hands over her face, "You two are in an unbelievable amount of trouble! Put something on and join us downstairs. NOW."

The door slammed shut and she was gone, "Were we inconclusive about whether or not a person could actually die of embarrassment?" Keely asked.

"We aren't dead yet, but I'm certain once my mom gets over the initial shock of it all we will be." Phil said pulling on a pair of flannel pajama pants and tossing Keely the matching top.

She put it on skipping buttons, seeing the exposed skin made Phil remember what they had been doing before his mother barged in the shirt looked far better on her than it ever did on him, it stopped off about mid thigh on her, exposing her long sexy legs.

"Let me help you." Phil said, walking over and buttoning the buttons correctly.

"Phil," Keely said starting to cry, "Your parents are gonna hate me."

"Keel, they won't hate you, my parents love you. We'll probably get into some trouble but it'll be fine." He said pulling her into a hug.

They walked downstairs a few minutes later, when Keely had found her skirt and pulled it on.

Lloyd and Bard were in the kitchen seated calmly at the table.

"We've already talked to Pim. She told us this was all her idea, and that you just went along with it." Phil's mother stated.

"I wanted to throw this party as much as she did." Phil pointed out.

"That's why you'll be grounded for a month." Lloyd said.

"I take it I'll be grounded more than one month." Phil said.

"You'll be on probation until school gets out. And I've called Keely's mother and she is expecting her home anytime now. I am very disappointed in the two of you." Barbra said.

"Mom, I don't want you to think badly of Keely because you know..." Phil said.

"Why would anyone think badly of Keely?" Lloyd asked oblivious as usual.

"We don't. I want you guys to be careful, I knew this would happen sooner or later. I was hoping it would be later and also that I wouldn't have to walk in on it." Barb said ignoring her husband.

"Did I tell you how much you rock Mom?" Phil asked.

"No, I don't recall that." Barb said.

Phil hugged his mother, and Keely did too.

"You will have to follow some rules while you're grounded. You are only permitted to spend time with Keely in the living room. No dates until you get taken of probation, unless it's a group activity with the family. Keely isn't allowed to be alone with you in your room until your probation is over, and even then the door has to be open at all times." Barb said.

"If I can still see her that's enough for me." Phil said.

"Did you tell my mother about...?" Keely asked.

"No, but I think you should tell her. You two should talk about this."

"I really don't want to get shot Mom." Phil said.

"She doesn't own a gun, and I seem to recall you saying that you'd like to get run over by some girl's parents. I think this a perfect opportunity." Keely said.

"What are you talking about?" Lloyd asked.

"I'll explain it later honey,"

"You two get going, Keely's mother is expecting her home soon." Barb said.

"We're going to finish getting dressed," Phil told his parents.

"Leave the door open and no funny business either,"

"Alright." Both Keely and Phil chirped as they headed upstairs by passing Pim who was scrubbing fudge out of the rug in the living room and muttering to herself.

* * *

Keely managed to find her shirt and bra, and put them on. Phil tried to pretend like he wasn't watching her as he dressed. But he was doing a poor job pretending. But they managed to get dressed without 'any funny business' as Mrs. Diffy had put it. Phil walked her home.

"Phil, you know aside from getting caught by your mom I think this was the best Venereal Disease Day I've ever had." Keely said as they found themselves on her front porch.

"Me too Keel." He kissed her, "I'm gonna head home and help Pim finish cleaning up. I'll see you at school today right?"

"You bet." Keely said.


End file.
